Have you ever been in the outdoors amongst tall pine trees and just looked up?  The blue sky…the tall trees…the birds, the branches blowing in the breeze… I did that several times this past week while on a family trip to Oregon.  I don’t know about you, but when I look up at those tall trees and the sky above them, I feel “small”.  Not insignificant small, but whoa…God is BIG small!  That sentence came out weird!  🙂  It’s as if I’m being given a whole new perspective on how HUGE God is and how amazing it is that He would love someone so small like me!!  Is it just me, or is it that in that moment, problems seem to shrink, stresses aren’t so stressful anymore, and the eternal things seem to be more important than the earthly problems that surround?  Hmmm…maybe I should plant some pine trees in my back yard!! 🙂

Today I was just feeling overwhelmed by a tough circumstance that we’re facing. I’d like to tell you that I wrote down Bible verses and proclaimed God’s promises over our lives FIRST…but no….I can’t.  That did not happen until much later this afternoon…after I had already done the following:  First, I whined to God.  Then I griped and complained a lot.  Then I sulked a bit.  Then I tried to lose myself in a novel!!   Then I questioned God’s goodness….ugh!!!  It was going downhill fast.   I felt like I was standing inside a beautiful forest of pines…only I was looking at my muddy shoes instead of looking up!!

It was then I remembered Habakkuk!!!  Thank God for Habakkuk!!

The story of Habakkuk has always been one of my favorites…mainly because I love the ending…it’s a good one!  Who doesn’t love a good ending?!  But you can’t just skip ahead and only read the end…you have to endure the beginning and middle with him first!  It just makes the ending all that much better…trust me!

Habakkuk was a man living in Judah during a time of extreme violence, oppression, and even war.  He saw the weak and helpless being continually mistreated by evil men.  (Sounds a lot like things going on in our world today)!!  Overwhelmed by the circumstances surrounding him, he begins his story feeling as if God has left earth, that evil men are in control, and everything is basically hopeless.  He can’t help but see all the devastation around him…the trouble, the plundering, the violence, the lack of justice.  He’s mad at God and begins to question His motives.  “God, how long shall I cry, and You will not hear?  Even cry out to you, “violence!” and You will not save.”

Honestly, I know I’ve asked God some questions like that before…and I have learned that’s okay.  God wants us to be real with Him, right?

Okay, back to the story…

Habakkuk stands still and waits for God to answer.  And He does.  God tells Habakkuk of future things to come.  He tells him that those who are evil will eventually fall.  What the evil men have done to others will eventually happen to they themselves.  As a result, the earth will know all about God and His beautiful glory!  God has a plan for justice to prevail…He is the Hero of our story!  Sounds like a good ending, right?  Yes, but it’s not even the best part!!

I love this…Habakkuk realizes that his focus has not been on God and His amazing power…but rather on the awful circumstances that are surrounding his life.  He’s looking at the wrong thing!!  He’s looking at his muddy shoes!!!  (Okay, I added that part!)  🙂  He then has a change of heart realizing that it is possible to rise above his circumstances, and even to rejoice in them, by focusing on God who stands above all…not on the horrible circumstances around him!! He doesn’t deny his troubles, but instead he chooses to trust God in the midst of them, full of faith instead of fear, and even declares one of my favorite verses in the Bible… you’ll LOVE this…it’s power-packed faith!!

“I will wait quietly for the coming day when disaster will strike the people who invade us.  Even thought the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, YET I will rejoice in the Lord!  I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!  The Sovereign Lord is my strength!  He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.”

So for me today…I’m going to do a “Habakkuk”!!  I’m going to look up…not to the trees, but to Jesus…my Hero! 🙂

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how busy I’ve been this summer…and that’s putting it mildly! Honestly, this Mama’s exhausted!  It’s been one activity to the next, and although it’s been FUN stuff…there’s not been any “down time” for this wiped out (FRIED, is more like it!) mom!  It’s my fault really…I overbook us and plan way too much.  I want the kids to have a great summer….and so we try and cram in everything and everyone we can all within 7 fast weeks.  But secretly, I will tell you that I’m thrilled school is starting up soon (9 days and counting!). Then my life can sort of get back to “normal”…or as close as I can get to normal anyway!

Last Thursday night, I left the gym (I’ve been doing a crazy “spin class” several nights a week…), and I basically dropped into my car, “dropped” because spin class leaves my legs trembly and sore…and I began to cry!

But wait!  It’s not as bad as it sounds, really!!  You should know that I cry when I’m tired…just like a baby does.  “Baby Tami is starting to cry!!”  🙂  AND it wasn’t the spin class that made me cry either.  I can be wimpy sometimes, but not THAT wimpy!!  (Okay, sometimes I will admit I come close to crying at spin class…it’s quite a workout!)  But seriously, I was just DONE!

Anyway, I thought the class would be good for me to work off all the stress from the craziness of the week and the stress in all the preparation for upcoming events,  but it left me feeling even more exhausted and just drained, I guess.

Then it hit me.  In all the busy and the crazy non-stop going on around me, I have not been taking time to allow myself to be filled up…at all.  I’m drained and worn out…and now crying like a baby in the gym parking lot!  What’s happening here?!  It was then in the car, I offered up a silent prayer to the One who I know can fill me up like no other, “Jesus…I need You. Fill me up to overflowing as only YOU can…and help me accomplish everything that is overwhelming me right now…”  I’m not kidding when I say that my drive home was different.  I put on music and just allowed the Creator of the Universe to love on me!!  Sounds weird, but I’ve been learning that He LOVES to love on us!!  Crazy, huh?  In this car ride home, it wasn’t about my trying to please Him with my singing or talk His ear off with lengthy prayers or anything…it was just me being quiet and soaking up His affection for me like a sponge.  I came home a new, filled up Mama.  The next morning I remembered this story…

In the book of Matthew (chapter 8), Jesus and His disciples got in a boat.  Suddenly there was a TEMPEST and waves began to crash into the boat!  I love this part…Jesus was sleeping!!!  Can you imagine?  Sleeping through an incredible storm!  He found rest and refreshing in the middle of a storm.  No worry or fear at all.  The disciples were in terror and woke Him up.  He basically says to them, “Why are you afraid?  Where is your faith?” and then He calms the wind and the sea so that everything becomes still.  How cool is THAT?!  I wish I could have been there to see it!!  Sleeping…in a storm!  I want to be like that!! 🙂

Since Thursday, each time I have begun to feel stressed out or tired, I’m trying to imagine myself lying next to Jesus in the boat, heads side by side…either star gazing or sleeping.  🙂  Waves are crashing all around us, disciples are running around panicking nearby…but we’re not worried.  I’m just allowing myself to be filled up with more of Him…to snuggle up in the boat next to the One who made me.  I’m not praying or singing songs to Him in these moments…I am not trying to “accomplish” anything in these moments…it’s really all about floating in a little boat with my very best friend…and letting myself be filled up by His incredible love for me.  Maybe it’s because it’s a personal relationship…and like any close relationship, the love goes both ways.  🙂

“The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save;  He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”  Zephaniah 3:17.  I’m telling you, He LOVES to love us!

Since we are on the last week of swim lessons for the summer, and because I am just so proud of my kiddos… I decided it was “reward time”!!! 🙂  So I bought myself a Grande Vanilla Soy Latte at Starbucks!!  Oh! You thought I was going to reward THEM, didn’t you! My mistake…I should have clarified.  I meant, a reward for ME!

When you think about it, I did have to get them up and ready super early every single morning, I had to track down run-away flip flops and suit bottoms every single morning…while my “helpers” were busy fighting with each other.  I had to cram them, along with their towels, snacks and waters all in the car and seat belt them in, peal down the driveway without running anything or anyone over AND actually get them there on time!  Phew!!  That’s hard work, right?   You’re not buying this, are you? 🙂 Okay, just so you don’t think I’m mean or anything, I DID get them treats too!  Our bill was like $15.00 or some crazy amount to spend on coffee and a few scones.  They really did do SO great with their lessons…but it was really all about me! 😉  Joking!! (not really joking!).

The best part was, I was SO caffeinated after that, that in fast-forward speed, I not only grocery shopped, I also prepared our dinner for the evening and stuck it in the fridge.  I reorganized my entire kitchen, did zillions of dishes, wiped yucky sticky I-don’t-know-what off the kitchen chairs, cleaned out the fridge and pantry…and still had enough caffeine in me I probably could have run a marathon!!  I got more done in two hours than I had in two months this summer!!  I felt like I was on “Running Wild with Bear Grylls” and I was at the top of the Swiss Alps with tears in my eyes, yelling, “I DID IT!!!  I didn’t know I had that in me!!”

I’m kind of dramatic, I know.

It just felt so good to get so much done.  Caffeine!!!

So, it should come as no surprise that this morning after swim lessons, we were back at Starbucks!  I wanted MORE!!!  I NEEDED more!!  I felt like I was calling out for ice chips again (like in my “Thirsty” blog)!  “I have an EXTREMELY messy house so I need more of your powerful caffeine…er, I mean, can I please have one tall vanilla soy latte please?”  You might as well throw in a zillion of your most expensive scones and cake pops to keep my kids happy on the ride home too! Oh!  And take my money…this will all be worth it (and much cheaper than a housecleaner) by the time I crash on the couch this afternoon!

I admit, I may have a problem (hang on, let me pause to take a sip of my latte)…okay, I’m back.  There are worse things, right?  I used to be addicted to snacking on M & M’s…and all that gave me was a tummy ache and a longer gym workout!  Broke that addiction FAST!

No one is perfect.  I’m the first one to admit that I don’t have it all together, and that I need a little help sometimes, even if it’s from my friendly neighborhood Starbucks.

I have a little plaque on my kitchen counter by the sink.  It’s a reminder to me on those days when I need more than a little cup of caffeine.  It says, “I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me.”  Philippians 4:13.  It reminds me that He who made the mighty coffee bean, is FAR greater, and keeps me coming “back for more” of HIM!  The best part is, I don’t crash on the couch afterward either!

One of my favorite things to do as a family is to watch American Ninja Warrior!  We’ve been loyal fans for a few years now, and we even have our own favorite competitors!!  For those who don’t know what it is, it’s a competition of athletes to see who can complete a set obstacle course in the fastest amount of time.  It’s a spinoff of a series from Japan.  If they mess up on the course they are disqualified from the competition. If they make it to “Mt. Midoriyama” in Las Vegas, and complete the course they become the winner.   It’s SUPER exciting!!  So much so, that the other night while I was cheering on one of the competitors, my six year old had to tell me to “Chill, Mom.”  What?!  Okay, maybe Mommy is getting a little too into it!  Was it my jumping off the couch as if to grab a imaginary ring to swing on?  Or was it my loud yelling at the tv , “Grab it!!” that made her say that, I’m not sure.  Whatever it was, I was told to chill. “Well!  I never!!”  🙂

So, I was thinking today that my morning sometimes feels like an obstacle course! 🙂 Maybe I could be the next American Ninja Mom!!  Are you ready?  It’s exciting…you’re going to be on the edge of your seat…here goes:

In my quest to reach the coffee pot (my Mt. Midoriyama) I launch from my bed to hop over all the scattered toys that have somehow ended up on our bedroom floor (from the kids playing in there the day before).  If I make it to the bathroom without stepping on a sharp little Barbie shoe, the corner of a yellow block, or an upside down hot wheels car, I’m safe!  The crowd cheers.

My next challenge is to use the bathroom, put on my bathrobe and slippers, and pull my hair back into a ponytail…all while answering zillions of lengthy, detailed questions by my two youngest (who somehow always hear me the very second I get up).  If I can do this without saying something unintelligible or crabby, I’ve made it to the next level with great success.  Again, the crowd cheers me on, I flash them a winning smile, and even give them a wave!

I’m starving, so the next goal is to scarf down a yogurt before the kids chase me to the kitchen and want their breakfast first.  Sounds selfish, but Mamma must eat first for the strength to make it through the rest of the course!  This is tough, and the crowd gets nervous on this one.  It requires tip toeing on my part, a lot of fast yogurt-eating, and a loud fridge door suction sound that always alerts them to the fact that I’m in the kitchen!  But this time,  I make it!!  Phew!

In the next obstacle, I am making three totally different breakfasts because none of my kids will eat the same thing without a horrendous battle that I’m not ready for at 6:30 in the morning!  It must be fast or they get mean…real mean!  I’m pouring waters, milks, syrup, throwing vitamins through the air to my hungry group, and toasting different things…all at the same time!  The microwave and I are both heating up and I’m trying to find the coffee spoon.  There it is…I found it!  Kids are soon happily eating at the table!  Done!  The crowd goes WILD!

Mt. Midoriyama is in view.  The coffee is almost done…and honestly, so am I…

Coffee!!!  Mt. Midoriyama for Mama!! 🙂  I won!  I won!  Now for Level two…getting everyone ready for the day…here we go!

AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR — “Dallas” — Pictured: Kacy Catanzaro — (Photo by: Peter Larsen/NBC)

Have you ever been thirsty?  So thirsty that your mouth starts to dry out and you can’t think of anything else but water?  Ice, cold, refreshing water…and lot’s of it?

I’ve been thirsty before when I’ve forgotten to bring my water to the gym, or gone shopping without taking my water bottle along…but with all of those times I could simply find a drinking fountain and remedy the situation fast.  But there was a time like no other when I felt I would DIE without water…okay, a little exaggerating, but seriously, I was THIRSTY!!

It was during the labor and delivery of our first daughter.  While my precious husband was busy with things like telling me to breathe, to push, cutting an umbilical cord, and taking care of our soon to be born baby girl…my sweet mom was there in the room to basically take care of HER baby…me!  🙂  She was the one who stood by my head feeding me ice chips the whole time…an important job for sure!  I just couldn’t get enough!  “More, Mom!  I need MORE!!  Don’t even stop…just keep ’em coming!”

Finally, our daughter was born!  She was out!!   She was alive and healthy.  She was perfect in every way!  But, instantly, my head whipped back to my mom and I said two words to her with incredible clarity and intensity, so as not to be misunderstood in any way… “ICE CHIPS!”  (I think she thought I was going to say something about being a mom, or my beautiful daughter…but, I wanted to be alive to enjoy motherhood, right?).  Thirst.  It makes people crazy.

And the ice chips came.  🙂

Jesus meets a woman (in John 4) who has many “issues”.  She has a past and isn’t doing great in her personal life…at all.  She’s had five husbands, and the current one isn’t even hers!  She comes to the well to get water, and she meets Jesus there.  He asks her for a drink.  She feels ashamed of who she is, (he’s a Jew and she’s a Samaritan…and in those days, they did not get along very well), but Jesus doesn’t care about that…He looks at the heart!  So, He talks to her anyway.  LOVE that about Him!!

He tells her about the living water He can offer her.  He says to her, “Everyone who drinks this water (meaning the well water) will get thirsty again and again.  Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst…not ever.  The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life.”  Jesus knew she was going to be there.  He saw a “thirsty” woman, who needed grace, forgiveness, acceptance and love.  So He offered it to her.  And she accepted it.  Can you hear the cheering in Heaven?  If I had been there then, I totally would have been bawling my eyes out!!!  Cheering too!! 🙂

Jesus is the ONLY ONE who can quench our thirst.  There it is.  He’s like an abundance of refreshing, cool water in a barren, sun-scorched desert… when we are so weary and barely hanging on.  I’ve been in that desert.  He alone satisfies the longing soul. When we come to Him, he is not out to punish us, as some may think.  His desire is to LOVE us…in it’s most purest, truest, form.  All we need to do is ask for His water… 🙂

Our spirits going from dry thirsty desert, to thirst-quenching springs of water.  Never “thirsting” again. It’s all about Jesus.

When I was in college, I heard a really cool story about a tree.  A person planted a certain seed of a tree in the ground and watered it faithfully for a long time. But there was no sign of anything growing.  Days went by, weeks, months…but nothing was happening…and they began to think that nothing was growing.  Ready to give up, one day they finally noticed something beginning to grow out of the ground.  It was the tree!!  Over the next year, this tree just shot up tall, healthy, and beautiful!  But during that time when they thought that nothing was growing, what they didn’t see was that the roots were actually growing deep into the earth!  This type of tall beautiful tree had to have it’s root system in place first,  so that it could support the tree once it shot quickly out of the ground!  Deep roots had to be established to support such a tall tree…otherwise if a storm came, that tree would fall over.  It wasn’t that nothing was happening…it was that everything was happening!!

I can think of different times throughout my life where it has felt like nothing was happening according to how I thought things should happen.  I remember how easy it was to get discouraged and feel like giving up…because I saw nothing happening!! To be honest, there were many times that I did give up when I shouldn’t have.   But, looking back on those times now, I see there were unseen “roots” growing that needed to be in place to be able to support me if/when a storm were to come.

And a storm did come.

One morning while driving to work, I clearly heard God speak to my heart, “You are stronger than you think.”  That was it.  It came out of nowhere, I wasn’t sure why He had spoken it to me, but I knew it was Him, and so I tucked it away in my heart.  Less than two years later, the “storm” hit.  Remembering those earlier words from that drive, I found myself suddenly clinging to them.  I then understood why He had spoken them to me and for what purpose…and I felt the strength that came from them.  “God, YOU are my strength…and I cling to you.  I am surviving this only because of YOU.”

However, it was in that storm that I was reminded of God’s goodness to me in the “root-growing” seasons.  When a dark voice was telling me to “forget God…He doesn’t care about you…” I was given the strength to push it away and run to God’s incredible love for me.  Bless those “root growing” times…because I remembered that it was in those times when I’d memorized Bible verses.  A simple thing to do, but now in the eye of the storm,  those same verses suddenly became VERY REAL. Those verses were God’s voice to me now in the storm!!  Talk about lifesavers!!  Songs I had learned during my “root growing” about God’s love for me, now came flooding into my mind.  Every time I felt like giving up, something from deep down in my roots brought me back up again.  I was knocked down for sure, but not dead…apparently I had grown some roots without even knowing it.  Thank God!  The storm eventually passed, and I now live to tell about it. 🙂

Things don’t always go according to my plan…and that’s okay…I’m finding that God’s plan is always better than mine anyway.  I know there are roots growing that I can’t see.  My plan is to water them!   I want to be like that tree in Psalm 1:2, “…instead you thrill to God’s Word, you chew on Scripture day and night.  You’re a tree replanted in Eden, bearing fresh fruit every month, never dropping a leaf, always in blossom.”

Growing roots…and surviving storms…like tall, beautiful trees. 🙂  From a “tree story” I heard once in college…to here. Who knew! 🙂

“So you’ll go out in joy, you’ll be led into a whole and complete life.  The mountains and hills will lead the parade, bursting with song.  All the trees of the forest will join the procession, exuberant with applause.  No more thistles, but giant sequoias, no more thorn bushes, but stately pines…”  Isaiah 55:12-13

Who doesn’t love a good treasure hunt?!  Digging up something that’s been buried for decades, or even hundreds of years!!  Those who know me, know that I LOVE working on my family tree…  I’m addicted!!  It’s like searching for buried treasure!!  You’ll often find me on ancestry.com, touring cemeteries, photographing tombstones, reading about DNA, and attending genealogical seminars!  Weird, I know!!  There are worse things… 🙂

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? — “Reba McEntire” — Pictured: Reba McEntire — (Photo by: Jon Super/NBC)

It started one day when I was flipping channels on tv and the show “Who Do You Think You Are” came on.  They were featuring Reba McEntire’s ancestry and it led her to stand on the spot in England where her ancestor was buried.  Oh my gosh…I totally cried…sobbed! It was just so touching!!

I showed the episode to my Mom and together we decided to do a free week on ancestry.com to see what we’d come up with.  It took only a few minutes, and we found the passenger record for my Great Grandmother, Olga, who came over to America from Finland when she was just a teenager.  Seeing that document was all it took. We were hooked.  Since then, she has been working on her side of the family tree, while I have been working on my Dad’s.  We make a great team!

We’ve found lots of “treasure” too! One ancestor is mentioned in a book about pioneers in Napa.  I met the author and she gave me a tour of where he lived!  My great grandfather owned a circus and was a slack rope walker!!  Another ancestor was well-known in Finland because he made a great deal of money selling his salt (which at the time was more costly than gold). We like to call him “The Salt King” because he even had his own soldiers!!  I knew we were royalty!! 😉

Then there are those ancestors who overcame such hardships and actually survived.  They are the true “treasures” in our tree.   I say to myself sometimes, “If my great, great Grandmother Wilhelmina, who lost several babies,  could then survive her teenage son dying of smallpox…then I can get through this!”   Those are the ones who leave true legacies behind… because of their suffering and incredible loss,  we today are encouraged to press on when times are tough.  In finding their stories, I often say under my breath, “You are not forgotten.  Not by me.”  I even left one ancestor’s favorite cookies on his gravesite, along with some flowers.  I know the birds ate the cookies…I’m not a crazy person…but I figured if there is a “great cloud of witnesses” in Heaven looking down on me, maybe he saw that and was touched by it (or he thought, “is that weirdo really related to me?”)  Oh yes I am…enjoy you’re cookies!! 🙂  Either way, that was a new one for me!

Lately, I’ve been working on an Ireland mystery involving my ancestors land being stolen while they were in New York.  It’s a strange story, and I’m hitting many “ancestry walls”…but I’m determined to find the truth.  I’m also trying to find my branch that came over from England…I thought they would be the easy ones…maybe because those records would be the easiest ones to read…but I’m stuck there too. Anyway…

Searching for treasure…and loving it!! 🙂

“I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness…secret riches.  I will do this so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the One who calls you by name.” Isaiah 45:3

One afternoon when Mike and I were first dating, we met for coffee and he gave me this article to read.  It meant a lot to him, and he wanted to share it with me too.  It was called “The Journey is the Joy”.  It was about people who strive and strain through life to get to their next “destination in life” HOPING that when they get there, it will ultimately bring them joy.  But, as the article went on to say, many times those destinations are beyond reaching, or obstacles can get in the way.  Sometimes the destination is not as wonderful as some may have thought.  The focus can be so much more on the “getting there” that we miss out on the joy that comes in the journey along the way.  At times throughout my life I have thought about that article and really, the truth there is in it.

I turned 40 this month, and for my birthday gift, I received a new bike (read my post “Flying Bicycles and Running Cows” to find out what happened to my former bike)!!  I love this bike!  It’s a beautiful blue color, with a cute little white basket in the front (the basket even says “Nantucket” on it…how cute is that?!).  I think I’ll start going to the Farmer’s Markets now just to show off how I can put fruit, cut flowers, and a newspaper in the basket!! I told Mike, “I don’t want a racing bike, or a mountain bike this time…I just want to cruise along at my own pace…think a “Driving Miss Daisy” bike rather than a “Fast and Furious” bike. 🙂

I can’t tell you how much fun I’ve had biking around this summer!  When my kids were in VBS last week, I hit the trails by myself!  For the first time since having kids, I felt so absolutely care-free for three beautiful hours every morning!  No one was whining at me (meaning my kids, not my precious hubby, of course! 🙂 ), and there was a refreshing breeze on my face almost the entire time.  I could go as slow or fast as I wanted, I could hear myself think complete, uninterrupted thoughts…and I could literally squeal with delight down the big hills without anyone laughing at my child-likeness!  I found myself singing songs to God, telling Him how thrilled I was just to be His, and even praying for those He put on my heart along the way.  Oh, the joy that bubbled up inside of me on this journey!!! It’s like that article!!  Not once in my mind did I think, “Oh how great it will be when I finally get there, or get back to the car.”  No, in fact, I didn’t want it to end!!

After losing all my joy with the death of my first child, I watched God miraculously restore it, and since then have been determined to hang onto it come good times or bad.  There are always tough hills to bike up, but there are also exhilarating ones to bike down, I want to joy in the Journey…knowing full well that the SOURCE of that joy comes from the One who created it…Jesus Himself.

“You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of Your presence, and the pleasures of living with You forever.”  Psalm 16:11.  If I could doodle hearts and curlicues around this verse, I would!!  “Jesus, You are my absolute JOY and delight…thank You for loving me so…”