A few weeks ago, on a day that was supposed to be 108 degrees here, our family loaded up the car with beach stuff and drove an hour and a half away for a fun-filled (and cooler day) at Stinson Beach!  Only…when we got there, we were too late!  Everyone on the planet had beat us there and we could not find a single place to park…unless we parked miles away (any parent of little ones knows that’s just not an option).

We drove around the town and the beaches nearby for an hour desperately looking for parking and just couldn’t find one single spot!  It was SO weird!  Even if Mike dropped us off and parked the car…he’s be gone for years before finally getting to join us at the beach!  People were doing crazy things like parking on red painted curbs…as if parking in a red zone wasn’t bad enough…they were actually on top of the red curb too!  It was as if they’d just HAD IT and didn’t care anymore!!  “Go ahead and ticket me…at least I got a spot!!” 🙂

Just to make things WORSE, this was supposed to be our special “beach birthday celebration” for Kael…I had even baked a cake and brought it along!  As our kiddos were in the back seat getting restless, I was internally kicking myself for not thinkin
g to head to the beach the second we all woke up.  Eventually, we ended up eating our picnic lunch in the car!  Trying to tell the kids we couldn’t go to the beach because we just couldn’t find a place to park was horrible…not to mention it sounded ridiculous!!  We always find a way…and today there was no way! One of my kids started crying, and I literally told the Lord in my head, “Really God?  This is for Kael’s birthday!  Are we really not going to be able to have this fun day today…because we can’t PARK?!?”

“Super Mom” finally showed up (that’s me caffeinated, remember?) and said, “Well guys, we’re going to turn lemons into lemonade (such a “mom thing” to say, right?)  “Let’s come back next weekend before everyone else does and do this over again!”  I looked at Mike and he nodded that yes, we would indeed try again!  🙂  (Love that man!!)  “In the meantime, who wants ice cream?”  So, we located the nearest ice cream parlor in Sausalito…but when we got there…I’m SO NOT kidding…we couldn’t park there either!!  It’s as if everyone else who couldn’t park at the beach decided to go get ice cream too!!!  It was an absolute ZOO!  Mike and I agreed that we didn’t want to spend an hour to park just to wait in a thirty minute line for an ice cream cone!!  The “lemonade out of lemons” I was trying to make was quickly turning sour….

Hang on… it get’s better!  We decided to get ice cream closer to home and get away from the crowds…so we got on the Richmond bridge only to be slowed down to a crawl pace…there was some kind of car on fire…so we sat in MORE slow traffic!  I was trying to be empathetic to the poor people who just lost their car…but selfishly, I was annoyed!!  How dare they let their car catch on fire?!  Now we have to wait even longer on this dumb bridge!!  I felt myself turning into one of those people who parked on red curbs…yikes! (I know, I felt guilty about it too…just being honest…and I even prayed for the people who’s car caught on fire…really!!) Then suddenly I remembered the cake!  At least we still had the cake! I passed out cake and forks on party plates and let my kids eat it in a moving vehicle…but I didn’t care about a cake mess later…it was something GOOD!  🙂

We FINALLY got back to our hometown and it was 108 degrees (just like the weather man had said) and we were SO READY for ice cream…and guess what?!  The ice cream store was closed!  I’m so not making this up!! At 4:00 on a Sunday afternoon…on what felt like the hottest day in the history of the world…the ice cream store was closed!  What is going on?!?  This whole day began to be so ridiculously BAD that I began to take pictures of it!!!  How weird is THAT?!  “Hey kids, remember that really terrible day we had back in August of 2015?!” 🙂  Yeah, that’s the memory I was hoping to make for them when I woke up that morning!  It’s as if every decision we made was the wrong one!  Yes, that’s the picture I took of the closed ice cream parlor!  Mike even parked the car for me so I could run out and take a picture of it!  I thought no one would believe me otherwise!!

As a mom, I kept a very lighthearted and cheery attitude for my precious family…but after we FINALLY found ice cream, made it home and unloaded our beach stuff…the beach stuff we never got to use…I went in my bedroom and cried a little.  You know, that baby Mama crying I do!  I hadn’t really saved myself any “lemonade”, I guess.  I was just SO bummed.  “Happy Birthday, Kael…” I said so disappointed.  Cue the sad music for this wiped out and frustrated Mommy!

The following weekend, we loaded up the car the night before, woke up early, scarfed down breakfast, and headed for the beach!  If there was one thing we learned anyway, it was to plan ahead and get an earlier start!  It was a foggy day at the beach, but we didn’t care!  We got a front row parking spot, and even found seashells…whole baby sand dollars we probably would not have found had we come later.  There was playing in the sand, picnic lunches, chasing seagulls, and lots of laughter…and we had a wonderful day!  🙂  It felt like a victory!!

I have no idea why we had to go through that first unsuccessful beach attempt though.  I keep trying to find a hidden meaning in it or something…as if it needs to be explained!! 🙂  Maybe it’s as simple as the fact that sometimes things just don’t always work out the way we want them to…and that’s okay.  Sometimes, there are disappointing circumstances that we have no control over.  I was reminded at church recently, that we can choose how we REACT to those circumstances though, and not let them get us down.  It made me remember beach day.  I want to react well when things don’t go as planned…so instead, I’m putting my focus on the One who can surprise me with unexpected blessings…like finding perfect sand dollars on the beach in the early hours of the morning!  Wait a second…did I just find meaning in that ridiculous day after all?! I think I did! 😉

Like finding hidden sea shells on the beach…

“I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the One who calls you by name…”  Isaiah 45:3

So yesterday morning was crazy!!  It started off with a million little things we had to get done all before heading off to school…and to top it off…it was picture day!  I had on my calendar that picture day was on Thursday…not Tuesday…and very last minute, the kids informed me otherwise!  Yikes!!!  The school had bumped it up two days and thus threw me into a stressful morning of frantically trying to help my kids find the right outfits to wear, to then miraculously transforming their little bed heads into glorious little “hair-dos”! 🙂  I won’t mention that we have a hairbrush/comb thief who comes each night to hide our hair stuff!!  It takes 10 minutes just to find everything that’s been hidden so I can do my kids hair each day!  But anyway…

What really slowed us down though, was my oldest daughters bangs.  They were way too long… and she just had a haircut a month ago!!  How can they be so long already?!

With only five minutes left before “pile into the car” time, I decided to do a quick “trim” so they’d look nice for pictures.  In a hurry, I wet them, and combed them down straight…just as my own mother used to do to me.  Now, please do not laugh when I tell you how the women in my family “cut hair”.  I took a long piece of scotch tape, and stretched it over her bangs just above her eyebrows.  Once stuck on, I began to trim below the edge. I know…you’re cringing, aren’t you…but that’s how it’s done.  I pulled off the tape only to find that they were now crooked.  Ugh!  Two minutes and counting!!   Trying to look in control of the situation, I tried to straighten them and only made them worse!!!  Oh no!  My daughter smiled up at me knowingly..and even somewhat compassionately…this was not the first time I had done this to her hair, I am embarrassed to say.  I blew them dry and tried to look confident in my abilities…  But the truth is, I can’t cut hair to save my life.  I guess I should have taken the prerequisite course on “Putting the tape on straight” class that was offered to me…

The good thing is, God gave her pretty blue eyes and a winning smile that will distract you from seeing her uneven bangs!!  Next time, I will have a professional take care of her bangs…someone who knows how to make them look straight…my Mom! 🙂

In the meantime…I need a little more practice…anyone need their bangs trimmed?

Who doesn’t enjoy a good love story?! Every week, I look ahead to see what new romantic movie is coming out on the Hallmark channel, or on Masterpiece, and I set my DVR to record it!  I especially love it when it involves some adventure, a bit of mystery, and a handsome hero who wins over the love of a beauty!
I remember when I first saw the Keira Knightley version of Pride and Prejudice in the movie theatre.  Do you remember that scene towards the end of the movie when they meet on the bridge?  There was that morning sun shining through the mist that was all around them.  The handsome and strong Mr. Darcy was walking toward Elizabeth in that really amazing coat he was wearing, and her hair was all wispy and beautiful in the breeze.  By the time they spoke…the passion of it all was so much that I literally gasped OUT LOUD in the theatre! Ha! Ha! I looked to see if anyone had heard me…but everyone’s eyes were glued to the screen!! Phew! 🙂

Love stories…but did you ever stop to think that we are a part of the greatest love story of all time?  True!  It is the love story between the God of all Creation… and mankind!!  When I tell people that I’m a believer in Jesus Christ…I also tell them that I am NOT a believer in religion or rituals…I’m a believer in a real, personal relationship with an incredibly loving God.  It’s not about what I do, or don’t do…what a relief…because if my salvation were based on works or deeds, I’d fall short!!  It’s about what HE did, and what HE does!  Jesus Christ is the Hero of this love story…not me!

So, I was thinking today… that if I were asked to explain the entire Bible to someone sitting next to me on an airplane who had never heard what it was about before, it would probably sound like a love story, and it would go something like this…

Once upon a time, there lived a woman.  Her name was mankind.  She was created by a Handsome King who made her to be beautiful. But one day, she was deceived by an evil enemy!  She believed his yucky lies, and not only did it allow this evil enemy to enslave her, it also separated her from the Love of her Handsome King…  She believed that she was no longer loved, that she was ugly, despised, and all alone.  She soon found herself lost in sin and darkness…trying to fill the emptiness in her life with all things unlovely.

But…the Handsome King DID love her, and He came up with a plan to save her!  🙂

The Handsome King humbled himself, and paid the price for her salvation with His own life…His own blood…the sacrifice that was required to buy her freedom from the evil enemy.  He’d done nothing wrong…He simply loved her…and He was tried as a criminal…He was severely beaten, and killed…for her.

But…He’s the Hero in this love story, and so it doesn’t end there.  He goes on to defeat the evil enemy by coming back to life!!  The evil enemy did not see that one coming!  But Jesus, the Handsome King, and the Hero of the Story…comes out ahead! 🙂  If mankind simply believes in the King’s love for her, then she’s set free.

See?  It’s a love story plain and simple.

Romans 5:8 says, “But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”  Thank You, Jesus (My Hero!) for loving me…:)

John 3:16 “For this is how God loved the
world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.”

Have you ever written God an angry letter?  Told Him what you REALLY thought?  I have…and you know what?  It set me free!

It was Tuesday, September 27, 2005…a little over a month after our son, Kael, died of a cord accident in the womb (two and a half weeks before his due date).  Mike walked into the room one morning to see me packing a backpack full of stuff…journal, Bible, pen, kleenex, water bottle, more kleenex, and snacks.  I told him I was going to have it out with God that day, and I didn’t know when I’d be back…but I’d be back before it got dark.  I also said I’d call him and let him know where I was just in case!  I was carrying such anger inside (so much so, that my joints were beginning to physically hurt).  I didn’t WANT to be mad at God…but I just cou
ldn’t help it.

I remember it was a quiet, sunny morning.  All the kids in the neighborhood were already in school.  I got in my car and just drove.  I turned on the radio and a song came on called, “Your’e Dancing with the Angels…” Really, God?  Angry tears streamed down my face.

Finally I found just the right spot.  It was a park in Rocklin, California that sat up on a hill and overlooked the city below.  The only other people there were a couple of maintenance workers way off in the distance below. Perfect.  I parked the car, grabbed my backpack, found a bench to sit on, called Mike to tell him where I was, and stared out at the field below.  For a long time…I just sat there…almost waiting.

You have to understand, the anger was like a weight strapped around my neck and it was choking me from experiencing life again.  All of my joy was gone.  My dreams of holding my first child were smashed to pieces and I was drugging myself at night with sleep aids to be able to escape the pain.  I was just so broken inside and so mad at God!

I took out a notebook and I began to pen Him a letter.  It was not a sweet letter at all…it was pretty yucky!  I let Him know exactly what I thought about it all!!  It was soaked with my angry tears… and everything I felt in my heart toward God and what He allowed to happen to me just gushed onto the paper!  I figured, he saw it there in my heart anyway…so why not get it out in the open?!  I would stop and cry…and then continue.  Cry, and continue.  Cry, and continue…until it was all out!  I wrote pages…and as I wrote and as I cried, I could feel my heart almost softening inside.  Something was happening to me…something I did not expect to happen when writing a mean letter to God.

With every angry word, it’s as if the chokehold was lessening and I was beginning to feel His love again!  He was setting me free!  With tired tears, I finally told God, “I don’t want to go home the same today.  I want to be set free of this anger and I want to feel love and joy again.”  As crazy as it sounds, I forgave God.  I told Him that no matter what happens in my life, I will always trust Him because He sees the big picture that I do not see.  Even though I didn’t understand why…I CHOSE that day to trust Him and not to be angry anymore.  The best decision I have ever made.

I sealed up my angry letter to God, and I declared that when I threw my letter away at the park trash can…that would be me throwing my anger away with it.

My healing began that day.  I was suddenly filled with hope. I got in my car a changed person…still broken, but not angry anymore.  My joints even healed up!  There was a lot more healing to come and a long road ahead of me, but I wasn’t to face it alone.   I had surrendered my heart to him, I had finally let go of Kael, and allowed Jesus to begin to heal me.  My journal entry for the following day begins, “I feel so different!  Oppression and anger is gone!  I can feel love again!   I feel HAPPY.  Yesterday was a monumental day.”

It’s been almost ten years.  On Friday we will celebrate on earth, our Kael’s turning 10 in heaven!  Our family is going to spend the day at the beach!!  I have watched God restore, heal, bless and love us!  I have seen others drawn closer to Jesus because of what we went through…and that’s special and dear to our hearts…sort of a tribute to Kael in a way! 🙂

1 Peter 5:10 says, “…and after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you.”  Amen to that!! 🙂

Happy Birthday, sweet Kael!  We love you, miss you, and look forward to the day when we can hold you again!

Those of us here in California LOVE hearing that this might be an “El Nino” year ahead…that rain is coming!!  This drought has been crazy, right?!  Like so many others, each day I carry out my bucket of collected shower water (that I collected from when I was waiting for the water to get warm), and I water my plants with it.  There have been “army showers” and many other water reductions over here…and my skin feels so dry…I’m constantly moisturizing!!  Ugh!  All of our lawns are brown…sort of hanging onto life by a thread so they might hopefully be revived once this drought is over!  It’s awful!!

Rain…  We need lot’s of rain!  But there are two words that are giving us all a little hope over here… “El Nino”.  🙂  Rain is coming!

Just like this California drought…my life has been full of dry seasons too!  I can think back on many times where I just felt like I was dragging myself through a desert, and nothing that I was praying for was happening!  In fact, things felt like they were getting worse!!  I just couldn’t see anything changing for the better!  Like Elijah in the Old Testament, I was praying for relief from the drought, and God was saying, “Hang on…there’s a rain cloud up ahead that you just can’t see yet…trust Me, Tami…don’t lose faith, and you will experience my incredibly refreshing rain.” An “El Nino” for the soul (for Elijah’s story you can read 1 Kings 18)!  🙂

I will be the first to admit, however, that hanging on is hard.  For me, it usually involves agonizing waiting, moments of tears, frustration, trusting God when I don’t see any change…and believing when so much around me says to just give up. But hanging on is the key to surviving in the desert…I think even Bear Grylls would agree with that! 😉 So hang on I must!!

And then it comes…finally! It’s so refreshing…and it’s worth every painful minute of waiting in the desert, right?!  Answered prayers suddenly abound!  Everything seems to cry out about God’s perfect timing! I’m even left thanking Him for that desert experience because it brought me closer to Him and made my heart stronger!!  It seems He DID have a plan, after all (even though it was different than mine)!!  🙂  He always brings promised rain…sometimes it just requires believing Him for it before I can yet see it!

“Ask the Lord for rain in the spring, for He makes the storm clouds.  And He will send showers of rain…”  Zechariah 10:1

Today I’m believing for God to shower down His refreshing rain again, I’m asking Him for the strength to hang on in the desert…and I’m already feeling excited to see those things come to pass that I’ve been praying and believing for.  Rain is coming! 🙂

Dancing. It’s one of those things I love to do…but I’m really not that good at.  Oh, I can ballroom dance some (Mike and I took lessons a trillion years ago), I can do a little country line dancing, swing, and I can even do that ridiculous “funky chicken” dance (only for certain more privileged people who pay me money first).  But if you were to put on hip hop music and plunk me into the middle of a club full of people dancing…it’s a “no”.  It’s a “get me out of here, I’m going to make a fool out of myself and probably others too, no.”  I will become an instant wall flower trying to devise some excuse to get out…and fast!  Maybe it’s the people, or the atmosphere, or the fact that I try to copy what others are doing and it all comes out even weirder…or the fact that I’m really not that coordinated when it comes to dancing to a beat?  Whatever the reason, my insecurity comes out on the dance floor BIG TIME and I want to run and hide until a slow song comes on!

But at home…it’s different.  Every once in a while our family has what we call a “Family Dance Party!”  We put on music and all dance as silly or as serious as we want…no one is judging and everyone is dancing crazy!!  (It’s also a great calorie burn!! 😉 )  It’s so much fun and it brings us close at the end of a busy day.  Everyone sleeps well afterward, and I can eat more chocolate the next day!!  The joy we feel when we dance together is HUGE!

But today I’m going to let you in on a little secret.  Shhhh….don’t tell anyone!! 🙂  When no one is at home, I often put on loud music and I dance.  I’m serious!   There it is.  My secret is out!  I have an audience of ONE who I know loves it!  When I want to worship Jesus…REALLY worship Him with everything in me…I put on loud worship songs and twirl around, sing, dance and probably look ridiculous!!  But I don’t care…because in those times it’s not about me…it’s about this incredibly loving Savior who gave it all so I would know Him today…and it’s about loving, blessing, and giving to Him with everything I’ve got!!  I also know it makes the enemy mad because it’s such an outright declaration of joy and trust in God!  So I often dance before the Lord when things around me aren’t going so well…it’s faith in action and it brings results. 🙂  I like to imagine how it blesses God to know that no matter what is going on around me, I am still worshipping Him…for WHO He is and not what He does or doesn’t do for me.  It’s about Him.

Psalm 149:3 says to “Praise His name with dancing, accompanied by tambourine and harp.”  I can honestly say that I don’t have a tambourine…or a harp for that matter…who knows?  Maybe those are next!  😉  But I have two feet that can dance…cue the music!

Somewhere around 1830, a ship sailed from England to New York carrying very precious cargo… my Kyte ancestors! 🙂  Mr. and Mrs. Kyte, along with several of their kids, came to New York and settled around Geneva, New York.  My great great Grandfather was one of those kids, who according to story, was born a few days before they docked.  I’m trying to find out his parents’ names, why they came, and where in England they came from.  Sounds easy enough, right?  Wrong!  New York didn’t start keeping track of most records until 1880!  There are many family trees of Kyte’s in England, and many in New York…but finding the missing link to connect the two has proven to be more difficult than I realized.

I thought my England side was going to be a breeze…I don’t know why…maybe because the records would be in English??!  After all, I was able to trace my Swedish side without any Swedish speaking abilities whatsoever!  How hard could England be! “I’ve got this, right?!” That was what I said two years ago, and I’m still trying to find them!! “It’s blooming awful!!”  is what I’m saying now…that’s my English side coming out! 😉  “I think I shall go have tea!”

So, this past week I have put on my Ancestry “detective cap”, and have gotten to work trying to find clues to the past!  As frustrating as it can be to hit so many “brick walls” in my searching, I actually do LOVE the search!!  When I actually find something important, it’s like I’ve found gold!!  My tools include some aging photos from an old Kyte album to work with, a few Census records from 1850 on, a million subscriptions to ancestry websites, and family stories that have been passed down to me.  Don’t think I’m weird or anything…but now my bedroom wall looks like this…I know, I know…I’ve got some crazy awesome decorating skills, don’t I?  My husband gets to climb out of bed each morning to see my great great grandpa staring him down! 😉  I told Mike, “It’s just temporary!  I promise!”  (I hope!) Sorry Hubby…have I told you lately how wonderful you are?!

But today, you will all be relieved to know that I think I may have finally tracked down the old Episcopal church in New York where many of them were born, married, died…and thank God, the churches back then kept records!!!  They are going to search the church books for me and let me know what they find out!  I won’t lie…I’m really praying they find the information I am looking for!!  It’s funny though…this church needs to have my request in writing with my official signature on it…so I have to actually stamp and mail it!!  Snail mail means only one thing…I have to wait LONGER!  It’s a good think I’m so patient…;)  Have you read my blog on waiting?? 🙂

On Saturday, I’m heading to my Aunt Barbara’s house to look again at some old photos and such.  She is our family historian, and has done such a wonderful job over the years hanging onto all the photos and stories and documents! Here is a picture of us just two Easters ago…while the rest of the family was socializing and eating appetizers, you know, doing normal stuff on Easter…she and I were looking through old albums and family Bibles looking for more clues! 😉  My Mom was helping snap photos of… photos for us…something else weird we do.  So she snapped this one of us as well!  (Thanks Mom!!)

As I was just writing the previous paragraph in this blog today, I had to pause for a call from New York…there may be a lead on a much needed cemetery record in Penn Yan, New York!!  “Oh boy!  Oh boy!  A cemetery record…is there anything more exciting?!”

I know it…you don’t have to say it.  I already know it. 🙂

Here’s a sweet thought though…searching for God is much easier than ancestry searching!  He’s like finding gold EVERY day!!  “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all of your heart.”  Jeremiah 29:13  Seeking out clues about Him is way more exciting and beyond fulfilling!!  Have a blessed day!