I was in college at the time, and driving back to my apartment after work one evening. Just me in the car listening to music on Highway 17 in Santa Cruz.  This may sound strange to some, but all of a sudden I felt as if someone were sitting next to me…right there in the passenger seat of the car!  I looked and saw no one, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t alone.  I was NOT creeped out or anything because I knew instantly WHO it was…I knew it was Jesus.  For some reason, just out of the blue, He was making His presence known to me…there in the car…to ME!  I wasn’t even doing anything great…just driving home from work!!  At the time, I felt like He was reminding me that even though I don’t see him with my eyes, He’s still there…and He’s with me wherever I go.  I never have to feel alone.  That moment only lasted a couple of  minutes.  It was truly wonderful, and I’ve never forgotten it.

I don’t tell many people that story because it sounds unusual…and people might think I’m strange…but wait!  I guess after my last few blog posts, I don’t think I have to worry about that anymore!!  😉  Yay!!

There have been moments in my life since then where I felt like God wasn’t there…like He left me alone.  One such time was after the death of our first born son.  Laying in the hospital bed, consumed with the pain and grief of losing my baby at 37 1/2 weeks, I felt as if I was covered by a dark cloud and that God had left earth…or more specifically that He had left ME!  But in the quiet of that hospital room, I suddenly felt a hand gently sweeping my bangs off my forehead.  Someone was stroking my head in a very gentle way.  I looked up and no one was there.  It was so brief, but I KNOW it happened.  Was that Jesus once again?  Was He still with me?  Even NOW?  Amidst the anguish in my heart, and the angry questions in my head…He was still there?   I had a long road of recovery ahead of me, especially when it came to my faith…but two things I now knew…

I was not alone…

and Jesus loved me.

I love Deuteronomy 31:8!  It says, “The Lord HIMSELF goes before you and will be with you;  He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid.  Do not be discouraged.”

If we know Jesus…if we’ve truly invited Him into our deepest of hearts….then we are never alone in this world.  His promise is to be with us wherever we go.  I’ve never doubted that again.  I’ve learned that even in times where I may FEEL distant from Him…He’s still as close as a whisper.  Our circumstances do not dictate where He is.  We are in a trial right now, but we are trusting God completely, and  we  KNOW that He’s with us.  In fact, we’ve never felt Him more strong than we have now!   Our circumstances may try to say God has left…but His WORD says that He has not, and His word is so beautifully true!

If you are reading this today, and if you are feeling like Jesus has left you alone…I have to tell you that you’re mistaken.  Take it from me!!  It’s a lie from the enemy.  He’s never left you…not ever!  He’s the one who made you and has loved you your entire life.  If you don’t know His love, and you want to, He’s right there waiting for you to ask Him to come into your heart.  I believe He’s gently sweeping your hair back and calling you by name.

“Jesus…come into my life…I don’t ever want to be alone again.”

Okay, seriously???  Again?  You’ve GOT to be kidding me!  Every night around 10:30 our phone rings and it’s a scam artist who tells us that “hackers” are getting info from our computer!  Have you had that call yet?  I’m guessing you have.  I’ve had those calls in the past, but they have been in the daytime.  Now, let’s just pause for a second because I can feel your stress level rising, so please just know I’ve given them NOTHING…no social security number, no bank info, nothing at all…not even the time of day.

So NOW they are trying to pull their scam at nighttime…a half hour into my REM sleep!  I can’t begin to describe how annoying this is!!  It’s hard to fall back to sleep again!  When the phone rings, they’ve got me because I HAVE to pick up or my kids will wake up from the loud ringing!!  GRRRR… It’s been almost every night for a little over a week!  I’m getting that Mama Grizzly Bear feeling!

So yesterday, I came up with a plan!  Keep in mind, I’m BEYOND irritated that they’ve been waking us up, and I want REVENGE!!  Yes, I know…and you thought I was this sweet, kind person.  Well…POP!!  There went your bubble! 😉  Unless you’re calling me that late to tell me I won some kind of “dark chocolate for a lifetime” award, no one messes with my sleep, harasses my family at night and gets away with it!

So at 10:34 last night, after being asleep for about 30 minutes…it happened.  The phone rang…only this time I JUMPED to my feet ready for action!  And it began…

“Hello?” I feigned sweetness.  This was going to be good!

There was the voice…you know the one.  It sounds like it’s calling you from an underground tunnel, across the ocean, and a zillion miles away.  This time it was a woman with a thick accent.  She was alerting me to the hackers again!  I had to chuckle to myself a little because the whole thing was just so ridiculous from the computer hacker story, to the timing of the calls at night, to the weird sound of the call itself, to her fake urgency and concern for me.  This time, however, I cut her off.

“Well, let’s pray.”  I said. (Yeah, I know.  I actually said that!)

Because of the delay she said a few more words and then stopped.  “What ma’am?”

“Can I just stop you here a second because I’d like to pray.”

It was silent for a second and she said, “Well, yes, you should pray for your computer!” Okay, that was actually funny on her part…I’ll give her THAT!  How thoughtful of her, right?  To suggest prayer for MY COMPUTER from these mischievous hackers!! 😉  I was loving this!  She then said we should pray after we fixed the problem first.  Yeah…good one!

“No, actually I’d like to pray for you and I’d like to invite Jesus into this phone call.”  Then with that, I interrupted her and began to pray.  Now, I have to say, although I was praying, my heart was not in it…at all!  I was MAD at this woman!!!  How dare she try to scam me?!  My prayer was meant to annoy her and that was it.  I wanted her to think I was so irritating she’d hang up on me and never call back.  Well…guess what?  She hung on!!! So I kept praying.  She still hung on (when was she going to give up??) I prayed until I couldn’t think of anything else to pray…and I was more annoyed than ever!  Then since she was still waiting I told her that I was going to continue to pray for her but that she needed to stop calling because I didn’t’ believe a word she was saying.

There.

I told HER!  

BUT I was the one that hung up then.

I was HOPING to feel good after that.  Satisfied. You know?   I was the victim, after all…the one who was RIGHT….and she was wrong.  I wanted to end this harassment once and for all with the mention of God and prayer…only something went terribly wrong.  Something I had NOT figured into my plan at all…and I felt so horrible inside…and it wasn’t her fault…it was mine.

I hung up the phone and God was there instantly.  Oh oh.  I didn’t feel like He was pleased with what I had done.  He was super quick to show me how my use of prayer and even His NAME was used as a weapon, as a means to ANNOY this woman…not as a witness to her of His incredible love for her.  I was “praying words”…but those weren’t heartfelt prayers…not at all.  I felt horrible…and the worst thing was…  I had just used my best friend.  I’d used Jesus.  WHO DOES THAT???  Me, apparently.  My heart for this woman was NOT love and the whole thing was just a scam on my part…

😦   I felt like the scam artist.  Tami…out to scam the scammers!!!

Cue the sad music.  An icky feeling sat heavy in the pit of my stomach.  I tried to sleep but I couldn’t.

Now…this is where it gets good.   God is loving.  He doesn’t just show us our wrongs and leave us hanging with our guilt and yuckiness.  He ALWAYS shows us the way to make things right.  He just loves us that much!  I felt like a naughty kid.  Very much awake from the yucky call and my guilty conscience, I knew what I had to do.  I asked God to forgive me, and I spent the next hour praying heartfelt prayers for this woman’s salvation.  Suddenly I began to see her through God’s eyes.  She needs Jesus just as much as we all do.  Who knows what her life has been like.  Here was an opportunity for me to tell her about Jesus and I muffed it up.  The least I could do was actually pray for her FOR REAL this time.  So I did…heartfelt and sincere this time…and before I knew it, my peaceful sleep had returned. 🙂

I prayed for her again this morning.  Just to make the devil mad.  I’m like that sometimes.  What he plans for evil, I like Jesus to take and turn around for good! 😉

You know, I was thinking… if she calls back again tonight (and I will surely be shocked if she does), I’m going to try to do it right this time.  As much as I don’t want her calling me…this time, however, I’m going to tell her about Jesus.  I’m going to tell her how much He loves her…and I’m going to tell her from a loving heart.  I’m going to ask her if she would like to invite Him to come into her life.  Why not?  I’ve got nothing to lose and she’s got everything to gain in Jesus.  She won’t leave with any personal info from me…but she may leave the call with Jesus in her heart!   I want her to know that He can set her free. I want her to know that I forgive her.  Then I will kindly (very kindly) say goodbye and hang up.  I will then sleep in peaceful slumber! 😉

Oh!  Guess what Bible “verse of the day” came to my phone today!  Matthew 5:16.  “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

How perfect. 🙂