I was listening to a song today that took me back to a time about five years ago when we were living in Brentwood. The song is called “It is Well” and you can listen to it here: https://safeYouTube.net/w/hjHZ . I love this song! It speaks about how no matter what storm in life we may be facing…Jesus still calms the wind and the waves. In fact I love the part in the song where it says, “The waves and wind still know HIS name!” Five years ago, we were in a life “storm” and in that season, I played this song over and over again to remind myself that Jesus was going to calm it and see us through. I was scared, worried, disappointed in our circumstances…yet trying to focus on the possibility that God had something good in store. And you know what? He did.

Looking back…I see that He not only calmed our storm, but He brought about countless blessings in our lives. New doors opened up for us and we’ve seen such awesome things happen in our lives since then. It’s really quite a cool story!

But lately, I have forgotten that….and if I’m going to be completely honest, I have been “looking back” in a different way.

Last March, Covid 19 came in like a storm and it hit us all hard…and along with it, having to shelter in place, wear a mask everywhere we go, social distancing from our loved ones, learning how to teach and be taught via distance learning… all while making sure my kids are doing okay with it all. Then there came the California wildfires and the possibility of evacuations, unhealthy smoke in the air, people divided with such political chaos in our country, and watching my friends lose their jobs and their businesses…it has been so sad. It’s been unsettling for everyone…that’s for sure…and I have become lost in all of it. The job I absolutely love has become ten times harder and has left me exhausted with little time for my own family (except that I absolutely love my amazing bunch of kindergarteners to pieces). I have seen so many people around me feeling overwhelmed and depressed and I’ve felt so helpless to fix it all. My own kids are struggling with not being able to be with their friends or do normal things like before, and although we are trying to count our many blessings…we’re just so bummed to have lost so much wonderful “normal” that we used to enjoy. This storm feels like it will never end!!!

But in it all…I have forgotten THE ONE who calms the storms. I have been “looking back”…but not to the miracles I have seen God do for us in the past…but to what life used to be like. I keep catching myself dreaming of when we lived in San Ramon and I was a stay at home mom with my kids doing arts and crafts with them when they were so little. I keep remembering how life was when we lived in Brentwood and when we first moved into the house we loved so much. I keep looking back to when I had all the time in the world (and a messy house of toys) to spend on the floor playing with my kids. I keep remembering so many of the good memories of the PAST. I keep looking back…

Then it struck me. I’m looking back just like Lot’s wife did when she saw what she thought was a better life burning to the ground and it was then that she turned into a pillar of salt. She didn’t grasp hold of the fact that God had this amazing blessing ahead of her if she would just keep walking forward and trusting God. There was this future ahead of her that she should have been looking toward. Instead she looked back. Yipes!

“God”, I said, “you might as well call me “salt lady”!” Yep. I actually said that. I say weird things like that to God…often. He gets me. 🙂

“I’m no better than her. I’m looking back at the times that were good in my life, because the days that we are in NOW are just SO HARD and it feels like they keep getting worse! I think there was even an earthquake that hit the Bay Area today! Seriously?

Looking back.

When the song “It is Well” came on today, it’s like someone turned the light on…and I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. I suddenly remembered what God had done for us in that stormy season when this song had become my prayer.

“God, I’m not looking back anymore. I’m looking FORWARD to all the good things I KNOW you have ahead.

I’m reminded of something really cool that Paul in the Bible said. He said, “I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”

Paul was beaten repeatedly, imprisoned often, shipwrecked, bitten by a viper, continually put on trial for his faith…and yet he can say that he’s found out how to be content? Is it possible his joy is not found in his circumstances???

Paul’s source of joy and contentment was found in one place…Jesus. His focus was on the love of God. He was complete in Him and no matter what went on around him…he was content because He knew God loved him.

I’ve decided that I’m looking ahead now. I can’t wait to see what God has in store. His plans are always beyond our wildest dreams…He loves us THAT much! In God’s usual way, He used something so simple as the reminder of a song today to speak to me. I feel refreshed and renewed and ready to face the storm because I know where my joy lies…it’s in Him. He loves me and He’s with me.