This last Thursday was such a beautiful day! It was like spring had finally arrived, and I was enjoying the fact that it was my day off of work!  I was sitting in Macy’s getting a “makeover” of all things!  I do this about once a decade…  😉   I was just enjoying my day off of work for once rather than getting errands done or being given parking tickets (read last blog for explanation on that last one!)  😉  My cell phone rang and I saw it was the kids school calling.  Yikes!  Whenever the school calls during the school day, it can’t be good.  My Clinique gal was about to apply some beautiful blue charcoal eyeliner on my lower eyelid when I said, “Oh!  Excuse me, I need to take this call!” I answered the phone and was told by a very nice sounding woman that my six year old son who had been tested on two separate occasions for hearing had failed his hearing test in his left ear and needed to be checked out by a doctor!!

It felt like I’d been punched in the stomach.  My sweet Thursday suddenly turned sour.  We spoke for a bit, and I thanked the woman for informing me of this and I hung up the phone.  I felt like throwing up.  Wrapping up my make-over as quickly as I could, and trying to keep myself from falling apart, I headed to the parking lot, got in my car and began to cry.  So much for that beautiful blue eyeliner!!  Last Thursday was the two tickets and now this Thursday I’m being told my son is deaf in one ear???  What is going on?  I dried my tears and began to drive home as quickly as I could to make a doctors appointment for my son.  The sooner we get to the problem, the sooner we can fix it…I hoped…but I was not alone in the car on my ride home…fear had suddenly become my uninvited passenger!

All the worst thoughts come into your head when you’re afraid…do you notice that?  I kept thinking of the worst scenarios!  Needless to say it was a LONG drive home.

I began to talk to God…actually,  I began to CRY OUT to Him for help.  I do some of my best “crying out to God’s” in the car!  However, somewhere on Moraga Road, I found a little faith in there and I told God that I trusted Him…that I was going to stand on His word and believe for a miracle for my son and for his hearing. It was like I was spiritually shaking my own shoulders and saying, “Get a hold of yourself woman!   God is in control!  Trust Him!”

Suddenly remembering the most beautiful song I had just downloaded a few weeks ago by Kari Jobe called, “Speak to Me” I began to simply ask Him to “speak to Me”.  Everything in my heart was in that plea!  I knew one word from Him would put my heart and mind at peace.  One word of hope and assurance from God would give me the strength I needed to get through whatever was ahead.  Doing my best to push fear out of the car with my FAITH, I began to whisper to Jesus, “Speak to me”.  No sooner did I say those words out loud than my cell phone in my purse went:

PING!

Um…Is God texting me?!?  😉

That was sure interesting timing to say the least!  But now I’m curious!!!  I MUST see my phone!!  Now, don’t worry…I learned my lesson in the last blog…and I kept my phone in my purse until I got home to read the text.  But do you know what?  God DID text me!  Well… He used my sweet mother-in-law to do the texting part for Him, but it was definitely Him!  🙂  Before I had driven home, I had called my husband to give him the news and to pray.  He had called his Mom to ask her to be praying as well.  Mike and I are pretty smart… we know we’d be lost without the prayers of our mothers!!  🙂  The funny thing is… she texted me right at the EXACT moment that I was asking God to speak to me!  I can still hear that instant ping!

That’s no coincidence…especially when you hear her text.  Here it is:

“Hi Honey.  Mike shared the hearing test report.  I urge you to declare and stand upon God’s word.  Specifically Psalm 112:7.  “They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord!”  Praying for you all…”
I had just told God I trusted Him.  She didn’t know that.  I had just decided not to be afraid…I did not want fear catching a free ride!  She didn’t know that either…but yet God knew.  God saw me standing on His word in the car ride home.  He SEES!  He KNOWS!  It’s going to all be okay!  I had hope from then on!  God desires to speak to us!

Friday I took my son to the doctor and they gave him a more precise hearing test which he passed with flying colors!  They cleaned wax out of his ears too, and his hearing is back to normal again!  His ear doesn’t feel clogged and I can whisper into it and he can hear me!  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve whispered “I love you” into that little ear!  I can’t tell you how many MORE times I’ve whispered “I love you” to my Jesus!
If you’re reading this and feeling like you need a word of hope today…I encourage you to ask God to “speak to you”…He loves you so!  He desires to speak to you.  If you don’t know Jesus, I also encourage you to ask Him to come into your heart!  This God of love desires a relationship with you…and He can be trusted.  He is all joy and fulfillment and peace, and He LOVES you more than you can imagine!  He’s just a whisper away.

My son’s hearing became clearer…and I guess you could say that my hearing did too! 🙂

Do you know anyone who’s ever received two ticket violations on the same day?  I do!  ME!  It happened last week.  My first thought afterward was, “Oh no…this is going to cost me!!!”  But seriously, my second thought was, “There is a blog in this somewhere!” 🙂

On Thursday morning I had a delightful time catching up with a dear friend of mine, while sippin’ latte’s in Lafayette.  Time got away from me, and before I knew it, I was six minutes late to my parking meter!  Just six minutes!!  Sure enough…there it was sitting in my wiper blade…an ugly little parking ticket!  Ugh!!  Suddenly, I felt like a criminal.  It was not a cheap ticket either!  I grabbed the ticket like a shamed puppy with it’s tail between it’s legs, hunkered down so no one would notice, got in my car, and drove home.  As I drove home, it felt like the world was scowling at me!!  Everyone somehow knew!! 😉

But…I was determined not to let it ruin my day.  I had a great morning with my sweet friend and I was going to focus on THAT!  After all, it was Thursday, my day off of work and I was going to enjoy the rest of it!

However, I should have just stayed home.

Later that afternoon, after leaving my daughter’s first orthodontic appointment, and being told braces were in our immediate future, we decided it would be fun to call Grandma and tell her all about it!  I dialed the number, put it on speaker and held the phone up a little so the kids could talk to her while I drove the car on the straight, slow, stop-light ridden Crow Canyon Road.  My eyes never left the front as we drove.  You can see what’s coming, right?  Well, so did the motorcycle cop who motioned for me to pull over!

I felt like scum.  My hand was caught in the cookie jar!!  I knew I was in the wrong.  Worse than the ticket I was about to receive was the knowing that I was modeling cell phone/driving to my kiddos!  I wanted to crawl in a hole…but I had to get my ticket from the officer first.  😦  After handing me my ticket, I did, however, do what anyone else in my position would do…check my car to make sure I didn’t have flags waving or a target on the back of it. 🙂  How does one get two tickets in one day?? Who DOES THAT?  Well, me, apparently.

I would have cried, but I was a hardened criminal by this point, and we criminals don’t get teary-eyed!  Ha! Ha!  Okay, I’m not being completely honest.  I actually cried a little after the ticket.  That officer was  a little intimidating.  Plus, I felt like a naughty child.  If it weren’t for the sweet little voice from the backseat saying, “It’s okay, Mommy.  It’s okay…” I would have lost it.  I turned around and began to tell my kids that what I did was wrong.  We talked about it all, and I made sure they were okay…but I drove home quiet and sulky.  I wanted to chuck the phone out the window with such gusto…but no…wait!  I would have to check Facebook from it later, and my email, and check for voice mail…you know…IMPORTANT things.  Needless to say, changes are being made for me…by me.

My middle child told me at dinnertime, “Mom, this wasn’t your day today, was it?” 🙂  I looked up at her from my dinner plate, smiled at her in agreement, and confessed to her that, “no, it wasn’t Mommy’s best day.  Even Mommies make mistakes.”

But that’s all they were…mistakes.  Mistakes are good…they are how we learn and grow, right?  Teacher friends…I have a “Growth Mindset” now… 😉  By dinnertime, I had come to have a little more grace for myself…and also to realize several “truths” about my day:

1.  It does not help to beat oneself up…truly.  You just feel worse.
2. I am human…and therefore will frequently do stupid things. 🙂  Okay, that one I already knew!
3.  I am still a good mommy…not perfect…but good.
4. Traffic school is in my future…yep!  A harsh truth.  Still want to cry over that one!  Ugh!!!
5. Jesus loves me no matter what!  I may not be my own biggest fan in this moment, but Jesus is crazy in love with me!  That sort of puts things in the right perspective. 🙂  God’s love for me (and you) never changes…even when we do stupid things.

Here’s a verse I like to think about…”So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.  There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”  Hebrews 4:16

If this blog has any point at all it’s this:  God is gracious and He loves us even when we do stupid things. 😉  You could also say it’s a good reminder to “put enough money in the meter and keep you cell phone in the glove box!”

Hugs,

Tami

Do you ever feel like a failure?  Like everything you do seems to turn out wrong or every choice you make feels like the wrong one?  Take my hand.  Sit with me for a few minutes.  I have something I want to share with you…from one “failure” to another.

We’ve just come out of a tough season.  Job loss… dreams put on hold…financial stress…the loss of a home…a sad and tear-filled move…our “nest” essentially crammed into storage PODS and driven away from us…our sweet kids trying to understand the good in it all while we try to be strong and hopeful for their sake…

It’s hard to tell your children that good things are ahead when everything seems to be going wrong. But you do it, and then you cry when no one is around because you are so heart-broken over them having to leave all their close friends behind…like brave little soldiers.

While Mike job hunted each day and went through resume-sending and endless interviews, we all soon moved in with my parents and I went back to work part time.  I cried after the first day.  Then again, I was working in a preschool and changing poopy diapers.  I felt like Joseph in prison.  Seriously, God??  Why am I even here??  For THIS?  I’m not a preschool teacher!!   “God, if you get me out of this I will forever pray for preschool teachers!!”  I quickly found another job…one that I like.

Let’s pause here to pray for preschool teachers everywhere… 😉

It felt like we were moving backwards…fast!!  BUT…here’s what I wanted to tell you.  Are you still holding my hand? 🙂  This is where it starts to get good…

I would like to tell you that in this year-LONG season I was full of unwavering faith.  But I can’t.  I’d love to tell you that not once did I doubt God’s love and goodness.  But I can’t do that. I wish I could tell you that I stood strong and fought the good fight with everything God had given me.  But again, I can’t do that.  It wouldn’t be the truth.

The truth is, it got hard.  I became so sad at times.  My way got foggy and I couldn’t see the road ahead…and it scared me.  Nothing in my life was making any sense.  I had a hard time praying…and I didn’t feel like worshipping Jesus.  I was face to face with my own faith and trust in God for the first time since Kael died…and it wavered.  The clouds were thick, and it was as if I could feel the enemy right there, breathing down my neck, continually telling me I was letting God down…and that I’d failed Him …miserably.  I even stopped blogging for a while because suddenly I felt like a hypocrite!  You can see the slide, right?  I was going down it fast.  It’s like watching a horror movie and you know the monster is in the closet but the person doesn’t see it and you want to yell out to the t.v. “Don’t go in there! There’s a monster!!”  But the person in it can’t see it lurking.

Then one day, while waiting to pick up my kids from school I had this thought.  Don’t laugh, but in some crazy instant,  God spoke and it was like I woke up!  I suddenly realized that I must be some kind of prideful delusional person to think I could go through all of this with PERFECT faith.  I mean, take a look at practically everyone in the Bible!  Everyone (except Jesus) was failing God at times too!!  Yet, in the midst of their storms or testings, the ones who decided to trust Him anyway…without seeing what was ahead…were brought into a place of blessing!  What am I doing???  It all became clear.  When did I become so PROUD?!  What madness!!!

The fog disappeared that day.

I look back and realize I learned three important things in that moment:

1. I am human…and therefore,  I fail. (Yes, I was surprised too!) 😉
2. God NEVER fails.  Not ever.
3. He loves me.  He loves me.  He loves me.  He loves me.  Still.  He loves me.

Take THAT enemy!!  Ka BAM!!!!  😉  The third one is my favorite…He loves this “perfect failure” (me) anyway!  Yay!!!  Somewhere in the storm, I’d forgotten that.  He knows we are not perfect.  HE is the perfect ONE…and it’s about HIM anyway. 🙂 The Bible says, when we are weak, He is strong!

I’m changing in this season.  I can feel it.  It’s a good thing.  The best kind of changes happen in the tough times, don’t you think?

Oh!  I can’t believe I almost forgot to tell you!!  God brought Mike a wonderful new job!  Guess when it came?  Christmas Eve! Isn’t that SO GOD???  God gives good gifts…and I have a feeling that this is just the beginning!

“…Don’t get thrown off course.  Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven.  The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light.  There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle.  He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all His creatures.”  James 1:16-18

When I was about nine years old, our family took a road trip up to Canada!  It was a great vacation!  On the first day of our trip, my parents told my brother and I that we each could have twenty dollars to spend in the gift shops that we came across along the way.  Oh boy!!  Gift shopping!! 😉  My brother was good about saving his money and spending it throughout the trip…I however, would usually spend my twenty in the first shop or two and it would be gone!  😉  Love me some gift shops!!

A few days into our trip, we were a little south of Jasper, and my Dad and brother were wanting to see a bear.  I had about three dollars left of gift shop money and my Mom (seeing how much my brother wanted to see a bear in the wild) said out loud, “Okay, whoever spots a bear gets seven dollars of gift shop money!”)  I heard that and suddenly perked up!  Gift shop money???  I’m in!  I sat in the back seat, silently prayed to God asking Him if He would show me a bear (sneaky, huh?), and began to scan with stealth-like eyes the woods surrounding.  I’ll admit my motivation for seeing a bear was less than pure hearted, but no kidding, in about five minutes I saw something move in the trees…something that looked like a bear.  “A bear!!!” I cried.  We pulled over to the side of the road, and sure enough, there was a black bear behind us crossing the street.  Other cars soon pulled over and there were photos taken by many.  I was the happiest though….I got seven dollars that day.  I said a silent prayer of thanks to God! 😉

Now zoom ahead twenty years.

Mike and I were on our first trip to Yellowstone as a married couple!  Our first big road trip together!  Mike mentioned he hadn’t seen a bear in the wild before, so I thought, well, I’ll ask God again (I wasn’t even motivated by gift shop money this time!) 😉  “God, please let us see a bear in the wild today!” God heard that prayer!

We were videoing Old Faithful Geyser from the opposite end of the crowds…away from everyone.  Suddenly, we heard someone off in the distance start yelling about a bear!  Not more than 30 feet behind us was a Grizzly Bear!  I’m not even making this up!  My legs started feeling hot and tingly…mainly because I knew this was no black bear!  It meandered past us to the meadow below us…and it wasn’t long before we saw ambulances and  park rangers arriving at the scene just in case the bear decided to do something.  If we hadn’t been there in that moment, we would have missed it.

Mike and I knew God let us see something extraordinary that day.  We also knew we were kept safe.  You want to see a bear, Tami?  Okay.  How about a grizzly? 😉  God is cool like that.

By the way, the bear photos in this blog are not the photos I took.  I took shaky video and my bear photos are in storage right now. 🙂  These internet ones will have to do!

A few weeks ago, we took the kids to South Lake Tahoe.  A much needed vacation!  It had been a great trip so far, but our three kiddos were getting fussy in the backseat with each other.  I was tired of the squabbling so I said, “Why don’t you guys look out your windows and see if you can see a bear?!”  I said it out of frustration, but then I suddenly prayed out loud, “God, please let us see a bear!!”  I then told them how I once had won seven dollars for seeing a bear.  “Whoever sees a bear today gets seven dollars!” 🙂

We decided to take a hike down to an old castle built years ago near Emerald Bay called Vikingsholm.  We toured this historic place, got some ice cream at the visitors center and decided to hike back up to the car.

We passed a little ranger station shed and an old ranger who was collecting trash.  Up the hill we started our hike.  I was walking with our two youngest and my husband and my oldest were behind us.  Just as we were about to round a corner up ahead, I suddenly saw a huge black bear coming down our path ahead of us.  I can still see it’s huge head coming around from behind the trees!  It had just rounded the corner!  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! Are you kidding me???  I remembered that prayer I had prayed.  A bear on the trail heading straight for us??  I wanted to take a photo so people would believe me, but I decided our safety should come first.  I said very calmly, “Okay, there is a bear on the path ahead of us and it’s heading our way.  Lets walk back to that ranger station.”  The ranger station was close, and the ranger hopped in his jeep and shooed the bear back into the woods.

“Mommy gets seven dollars!” my husband said.  😉  Okay…I will admit…I silently cheered over my gift shop money win!

  X 7!!  🙂

Three bears and three prayers.  Coincidences?  Are you kidding me?  No way.  It just feels too much like God to be coincidences.

We’ve been asking God to bring the right job for my hubby since January.  If you’ve read my latest blogs, you know this.  The wait has been tough.  My husband is a trooper and I’m so in awe of his faith and strength.  But it’s easy to get discouraged sometimes and trusting God when you can’t see the plan is not always easy.

But then there are the bears…We asked God if we could see a bear and that day we saw a bear.  If only the job would come as quickly.  The way I see it is that God has perfect timing on everything and that right job will come.  If God cares enough about us to send us a bear, how much more will He bring about a wonderful job for Mike!  It may sound strange to some, but I absolutely believe that God sent us that bear to encourage us.

Sometimes we have not because we ask not. 🙂  So, as for me, I’ll keep asking for bears!

“And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have what we asked of Him.”  1 John 5:15

Do you ever feel like your life has just been flipped over like a snow globe?  When it’s set back again, things are very different, and it feels like nothing is where it should be.  Everything is scattered and changing faster than you can keep up with.  I feel like this right now as everthing around me is different and changing so fast!  We are in the process of moving, and what’s ahead feels crazy and uncertain.  Not bad…just very different.  But like a snow globe, I know things will eventually settle into place and “normal” will begin again. We’re just not there yet.

While trying to reassure my kiddos that change is not a bad thing…I am watching them say goodbye to their friends, school, teachers, and the “world” they are so familiar and comfortable with.  I am encouraging them to try and embrace “the new” that is ahead…but they are new at this.  God loves adventure and He wants us to trust Him on this one!  There have been MANY tears on their parts, and on mine.   As a Christian, I know what to do.  As a mom, I’m struggling.

One thing I do believe, however, is that God has us right where He wants us, and I know that means that what’s ahead is going to be good.  In June we found out that our landlord wants to sell the house we’ve been in and rather than be homeless…my parents are welcoming us in to theirs for this season.  Words can’t say how blessed we are.  I am starting a part time job in the mornings so I can be home for my kids when they get home from school.  Things are swirling…different.  Not bad…just not the same.  I know this storm we’ve been in will come to an end and there will be a quiet, settling…a peace.  My husband will land an amazing job…the one that God has chosen for him and there won’t be any more job searching and interviews to have to go through. There will be a knowing that God saved the day!

Monday morning, I was asleep on my right side, and I was awakened to a kiss on my left shoulder.  It startled me as it actually woke me up, and I thought, “Awww…how sweet my hubby is to wake me with a kiss…but I’m tired and was waking me up the right thing to do?”  🙂  and as I rolled over to smile at him, I was shocked to see he was still asleep and on his side facing the opposite direction.  He had NOT kissed my shoulder at all!  What in the world?!  Who kissed my shoulder then?  I thought for a brief second that maybe it was God…but I dismissed that idea quickly because, why on earth would God wake me up to kiss me on the shoulder?  I did not think about it again.  I feel bad about this…and you will see why.

The next day was filled with new school registration paperwork, my new job interview, packing boxes and just lots of stress.  Plus, I was sore as I had pulled a muscle in my neck/back and could not turn my head without pain.  Ugh!!!  No doubt it was stress!  It was just one more thing to deal with!  I was driving home on Highway 4 when I began to “talk” with God.  Okay it was more like fussing and whining!!  I wasn’t too happy with Him.  All right, all right… I was MAD at Him!  There.  I said it.  I was mad at where He had us and what we were having to go through in this long season of hardship. I was having to watch my kids struggle with this move and everything just felt so out of my control!!  I was tired of packing boxes, tired of trying to make my kids feel secure, tired of not knowing, tired of saying goodbye to my friends, tired of all the stress…and tired of this awful NECK PAIN!  I suddenly said out loud, “God…I HAVE TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE WITH ME IN ALL OF THIS!  I have to know 100% that you are with me…beyond a shadow of a doubt!!!”

I promise you I am not making up what happened next.

INSTANTLY I remembered that kiss.  That shoulder kiss from Monday morning.  I don’t know why but I did.  And in the next INSTANT, while I was driving, I saw an orange construction sign to my left that said, “Left Shoulder Closed Ahead”.  Left shoulder?  Did that just say left shoulder?  What shoulder was I kissed on again?  MY LEFT!!! Wait…what is happening here?  Did God really kiss me?  And just as quickly as that kiss and that road sign came to my attention…it suddenly all made sense.

God knew.  He knew that the Tami in this car at this moment was going to need some reassurance.  She was going to be mad at Him and He knew it was coming.  So what did He decide to do?  He decided to wake her up with a kiss on the left shoulder the morning before…just for this exact moment.  He knew that road sign was going to be there.  He knew what I’d be saying.  You can’t tell me that wasn’t Him.  The love I felt in the car after that was amazing!

I can’t explain why we have to go through struggles in life.  BUT because of a simple kiss on my left shoulder, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt…with 100% certainty that He will be there in the storm.

He’s with us…and I know we’re going to be okay. 🙂

As a mother of three, every so often from somewhere in my house I will hear a CRASH of some kind.  I have learned that this is normal.  Either something breakable has been knocked over, someone has slipped and fallen (probably from climbing furniture or doing something I don’t even want to know about), or one of them has run into a wall from not looking where they were going.  My kids run into walls a lot…I’m hoping that’s normal. 😉  Anyway…

More often than not, the crash will be followed by an “I’m okay!” shouted from another room in the house.  It’s a sign to me:  1)  not to panic, and 2)  not to come and find out what they’ve been up to.  😉   But, I appreciate it all the same.

If you’ve read my last few blogs you know what a faith-building season we’ve been in the past six months or so.  I know we all go through those…I guess we were just “due” for one. 😉  They are like training grounds of faith.  But, the other day, I was feeling overwhelmed by it all and I just collapsed on my bed in utter tiredness, frustration, and disappointment.  “God, when is this season going to be over???  This is too much!!!”  This was followed by some whining and complaining and it was spiraling downward fast.

Suddenly, and I don’t know why other than it must have been God, I remembered Hebrews 12:1-2.  It says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith…”

And here I was lying face down on my bed!   Nice.  But suddenly I felt as if this “great cloud of witnesses” (those in heaven who have died and gone before, who are up there cheering me on) were watching me!  Yikes!  How embarrassing!!!  Can they see me?  I hope they are missing this dramatic scene!  They are probably up there watching and waiting to see what I will do.  Is my son, Kael, watching me from heaven?  I don’t  know.  But if he is, I don’t want him to see me like THIS!  Are my grandparents watching?  Bob and Cherie? Pastors and friends who have gone before…if they ARE watching me now, they are probably having quite a conversation…maybe shaking their heads a little…and probably sending more prayers to the throne room on my behalf! 🙂  Not only that, but I’m certainly not running with any kind of perseverance…and honestly, my eyes may have shifted a little off of Jesus. 😦

Sigh.

A GREAT cloud of witnesses.  Oh man…

But something started to spring up a little bit inside of me.  If they ARE watching me, and cheering me on, I better let them know I’m okay.  They are probably still waiting for me to move.  I’m not kidding you when I tell you that still face down on my bed, I gave a thumbs up toward the ceiling and said out loud (just like my kids do), “I’M OKAY!!”

I could feel their relief! 😉

I sat up then, got to my feet, and decided to keep going. You fall off a horse, you get back on, right?  I was knocked over, but not defeated.  God’s got this.  Why am I worried anyway?  The One who SPOKE creation into existence has got me in the palm of His mighty hand.  I’ve got a great cloud of witnesses cheering me on up there and an incredible God who loves me and cares for me.

I’m okay!  🙂

So I’ve been into running lately.  No, no, no…not training for a marathon!  I didn’t mean to try to impress you with that statement or anything.  This is just running to burn fat…nothing exciting at all.  I run like a grandma….does that help?  It’s really just so that I can eat more chocolate…no huge ambitions here.  But I got this neat little app on my phone that allows me to do “interval running” to the music of my choice…along with a “fitness trainer” who says things to encourage me along the way!  Her name is “Holly”. 🙂  She tells me things like “your rockin’ this workout”, “you’re doing great, buddy!” (that’s her special nickname for me…”buddy”). She had me believing her sincerity too, until the other day she told me I was her “favorite running buddy”.  Hmmm…do you think she says that to ALL her workout buddies or just me?  I have to wonder…and here I thought I was special! 😉

There are several things along my run that distract me from the discomfort of running. My favorite has been this cute little roadrunner that I see up the street from where I live.  Now, my Dad is an avid birder and he says this is a “famous” roadrunner.  People in the Bay Area will head to my street just to see this roadrunner because it’s so rare!  Who knew?!? Try to control your jealousy everyone!  Some believe it’s the only one in this area because roadrunners are not native here.  So it’s special…and I guess I feel a little honored now when I get to see this bird on my morning runs.  Please don’t think that I’m crazy, but thinking myself clever, I cheerfully said to it the other morning, “Hey, we’re both road runners!”  😉  We share a bond now.  I think if birds could roll their eyes, this one would have.

This blog has a point…really.  Just keep reading…

The other morning, I was running along as usual and I asked God if he would let me see the roadrunner.  I don’t know why.  Maybe because we bonded the previous morning! 😉  Maybe I had more to say to it!!!  Ha! Ha!  Well, I didn’t see it where I usually see it and I just kept running.  Holly said I had to.

I decided to take a different turn and go down a street I hadn’t run along before.  It was this tucked away cul de sac and I only chose it because it was FLAT and involved NO HILLS to run up!  I know…I’m such a die hard!! 😉  As I was making my way toward the end of that street, I was suddenly startled by something HUGE coming toward me from the bushes in the front yard to my peripheral left!  Now let me just say that brains (especially mine) are funny at times…especially in moments of surprise and panic.  For some reason, mine told me it was a little person coming at me!! I pictured a dwarf for some odd reason!  (Go ahead and pause here to laugh…it’s okay…)  Mike even laughed at me when I told him this initial thought that I had, and teasingly told me “Gimli is alive!” (If you have seen Lord of the Rings you will find his statement extremely funny.  Mike sure did!!).

Anyway, back to the story:  I jumped off the sidewalk only to find that it was something I had not expected to see along this street!!  It was a huge PEACOCK!!!! I promise I’m not even making this up!!  It sounds ridiculous, right?!!  It’s feathers were fanning out and it was enormous!  Peacocks are HUGE!!!  Especially when they are a couple feet away and jump out at you from the bushes!  One could even say “dwarf-size”!  THEN it jumped onto the fence!!  Well if the first “dwarf peacock thing” didn’t freak me out enough the first time, the JUMP  up to the fence did the trick!!   I jumped back again, but this time I did so while glancing around me to see if anyone else was seeing this!!  No one was there.  So, I did what anyone else in my situation would do….I took a picture of it with my phone (once I finished untangling it from my headphones, armband, and me hitting all the wrong phone apps!) I didn’t know if this bird was going to turn on me and attack, so I was keeping my eye on it while trying to get my camera app up.

I found out later from a neighbor walking her dogs that peacocks do indeed live on this particular street. I did not know that.  Now I do.  🙂  Better a peacock than a dwarf, I guess!!

Believe it or not, I felt like God was speaking to me that morning.  Here I was asking to see a little roadrunner, and God is like, “Oh yeah?  How about a peacock?!?  You’re asking too small, Tami.  I’m going to bless you beyond what you are expecting.”  God is like that…and not just for me or my family…but for ALL of us!!  We’re asking for roadrunners, and God wants to give us peacocks!  See?  He’s generous and He’s fun, and He loves us!!

This season has been a tough one.  We’ve been believing God for answers to prayers.  Mike’s been without a job since January and we found out at the end of June that our landlord wants to sell the house.  We’re packing up boxes and don’t yet know where we’re moving to.  Adventure is out there!!  😉  Our car engine light came on, our washing machine broke…everything seems to be happening at once.  That’s okay.  We know God’s got this and we know He’s at work.  This just makes for a better testimony of His goodness!  This is the perfect position to be in to see the miraculous!  It’s been a season of learning to have faith when our circumstances say otherwise…and as hard as that is…we know it’s a good thing.  BUT…not only does God love to provide, He LOVES to BLESS!  That’s why this peacock was so important!!  I knew what God was saying to me that morning.  I left that peacock encouraged and excited for what God has ahead for us!  I also came away with a little smile for God does, indeed, have a funny sense of humor.

1 Corinthians 2:9 says, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him.”  Thank you, Lord, that you MORE than provide…you abundantly BLESS us when we trust in You!

Did I really just burn my toast??  REALLY???  Yep.  There it was all sad and charred looking up at me as if to say, “I’m the cherry on top of your day today, Tami!  How do you like ME?!!” I wasn’t really surprised though.   It was a day!  I pulled my hot burnt slice of cinnamon raisin bread out of the toaster and just looked at it.  What was supposed to be a comfort food tonight with my peppermint tea, did anything but comfort me!  So, a NORMAL person would toast a NEW slice, and watch it so it didn’t burn the second time.  Now, don’t think I’ve lost my good sense… but I actually felt kind of sorry for it.  😦  I know.  But I did.  (Wow…that DOES sound strange when I read it back again).  It just looked so fried and used up…I think I actually saw a little bit of myself in that piece of toast. Is that weird?  Please don’t answer that. 🙂  It reminded me of myself today…feeling a little burnt out from this unbelievably tough season we are facing.  “I’m that piece of toast!”

I decided to eat the toast anyway.  Remember I felt sorry for it…cause you know, toast has feelings! 😉

Have you ever felt fried?  Done?  Ready for the next chapter of your story to begin?

I’ll spare you the details of the CRAZINESS that’s going on right now (mainly because I’m going to save that for another blog when I have the amazing ENDING to this wild adventure story to share)!  But trust me, it’s going to be a great story…a page turner, an edge of your seat kind of a story!  You won’t believe the timing of everything!  But its still being written, so you’ll have to be patient!  😉  The good thing is, I know we’re close to being on the other side of this season because I can feel God getting us ready for something big and something wonderful.  He’s like that.  He always sweeps in with an awesome ending when we trust Him to do so.  He also takes His sweet time….yup.

So why am I feeling like burnt toast if I’m trusting God?  Because sometimes, trusting God feels super hard…especially when your circumstances don’t make any sense at all.  “God, we’re supposed to go THIS way…so why are we turning to go THAT way?” That’s the moment when God tells us to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7).  He’s BIG into FAITH!  That I know.  I like to think of it like building “faith muscles”.  Just when you get comfortable with your level of faith (like weight lifting), He adds more onto it to cause you to become stronger.  Those who lift weights know that when more pounds are added, it’s a little tougher and a little uncomfortable.  But the end result is that you become stronger!  So, it’s a good thing.  But it’s still hard sometimes. If you don’t refresh yourself in Jesus, you will feel like burnt toast.  Believe me, I know!

Honestly, He really should have been my first choice for comfort tonight…not the tea and not the toast. 🙂  He’s the one I’m pressing into tonight.

James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it a sheer GIFT, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.  You know that under pressure, your FAITH-life is FORCED into the open and shows its true colors.  So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely.  Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”

Burnt toast and faith muscles.  🙂